One of the bloggers I follow is Sarah Jakes, daughter of Bishop T.D. Jakes, who post very encouraging and insightful articles. Today she posted an article entitled “The Eagle In Me.” She gave a comparison of birds: birds that fly in flocks which makes flying easier and requires less effort and birds that fly high and against the wind.
As I read the article I saw myself; not as being any of the example of birds given but being one that was too afraid to fly.
I have been beat down, shut up, and abused throughout my life; by family, teachers, neighbors, and so-called friends. Although, I am not experiencing any abuse in my life now, I continue to live as though I am.
When I was a teenager my mother married a man who was abusive to me until I went off to college. I was locked up in my room my entire high school career. I was not allowed to eat so he would lock the food up. When I did eat I would wait until everyone was asleep and sneak food in my room. I was isolated from everyone. I had no friends. Now that I’m older, much older, I find myself feeling much like that little girl in the room; unloved, abandoned, and unwanted. Even as a Christian I struggle with these issues and the pain from my experiences keeps me from serving Christ the way I desire to. It prevents me from having the kind of relationship that I desire to have with Him and anyone else.
I wonder, will I ever be a Sarah Jakes: full of faith and courage and strength? Will ever be able to love God and others; love myself? Yes! I believe that I will but it will take going through this process of transformation; learning to open my heart to God and trust Him with my issues and my pain; learning to forgive and love others; learning to love and accept myself. No, I will never be a Sarah Jakes because there is only one and no one can be her better than her. I will, in time, be the me I am destined to be.